My New Profession...

...this card is for Rebecca Adlington with some sage words of advice. Genius eh? I'll be setting up my Virtual Life Coach Therapy Centre very very soon so if you have anything you need help with just ask!!!

The card is really for my favourite LIM challenge which is a sketch this week. I've used scraps of card and Pink Petticoat paper (no new trees were harmed in the making of this card). The digital image and sentiment are from The Alley Way.

I love fish. My Dad used to have tropical fish and I could watch them for hours - they are mesmerising - my favourites were those little neon coloured ones. So whilst we are in the fishy spirit here is a little funny:

A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner – to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species.

While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidentally hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job – to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner was pleased with the man’s work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo’s beehives. The man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got angry and stung him. He grabbed his spade and whirled it above his head, squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed these to the lions as well because lions eat anything.

The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing residents “what’s the food like here?” One of the zoo’s resident lions said, “Oh, it’s great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.”

I'm also entering my card into:

CAS-ual Fridays - Lime, Aqua and Navy
Lets Craft and Create - Scrap buster


Thanks for looking and have a great weekend!

Sew Sorry For Myself

My head hurts! I had too much vino calapso yesterday so it's definitely going to be a day of rest today. The theme over at LIM today is sewing.

I've made a handbag card with contrast hand stitching around the outside. The Radleyesque doggies have been cut using my Cricut.

Before I go to lie down in a darkened room I want to share with you an old Scottish recipe for fruit cake. You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.

Hic!

Thanks for looking and have a great weekend.

I Mustache You A Question...

My LIM entry this week represents my obsession with facial hair and the eradication thereof. This week the challenge is a one layer card with three of something on it.

I've paper pieced a moustache image three times with various papers from Summer Driggs Beautimous range. The sentiment is computer generated.

Is your morning beauty routine being overtaken by the search for those little blighters which pop up overnight? Every single one must go before you even start to think about your lotions and potions. Is this a fruitless and thankless task? Maybe I've got it all wrong - perhaps I should start a support group (The Hairy Marys) - hairy ladies unite and embrace those wayward follicles. As they say in Italy - donna barbuta, sempre piaciuta – everyone loves a woman with a beard.

Thanks for looking and have a great weekend!

Rain, Rain and More Rain

Will it ever stop raining? It's July - you know - SUMMER. June was a complete washout and it looks as though July is heading the same way.

Anyway, enough moaning, here is a little card for the following challenges:


A & T Digital Designs Challenge - Birthdays
Anything Goes Challenge - Polka Dot With A Birthday Theme
Digital Tuesday - Kids
Papertake Weekly - Anything Goes
Sassy Cheryl's - Anything Goes
Make it Monday - Anything Goes

I've used a Pink Petticoat Little Friends image which I've coloured, gone over with sparkly chalk, cut out and popped on dimensional pads. The number 4 has been hand cut from polka dot paper and outlined in black. The recipient's name has been computer generated.

Thanks for looking and have a great week.